Diary of firdaus

If there was anything that makes me uncomfortable(no-its not my low waist jeans),it's lying. If I can, I shall promise,or I won't. When in doubt,I prefer to speak the truth(mark twain). I love my low waist jeans. they poop eyes-don't ask why.

I say and admit that often, at the cost of sounding virtuous and godly. But that's the way I am,honestly !!!! People say sometimes you have to lie,because you land yourself in a situation and there is no way out. I feel you can get past (that) situation if you are honest to others and yourself. There's a thin line between being honest..frank... Forthright...brutal. They all stem from the same word, but then the harm you do ,with them,to others varies from left to right.Yes,there are times when I had to hold my honest opinion and tell people things that may not be true. Those are days,when I make people happy, by lying not to them but only to myself.But there are days, when lying is
the only way out(and I have to eat my own words, to accept that) and on such a day, I feel miserable and claustrophobic.

So today morning I geared myself up,took a deep breath,said my rehearsed lines,coz otherwise I would have fumbled over what was not true.I hope god forgives me,coz I have lied, as I would have been dishonest,to myself, had I spoken the truth.I wouldn't have been able to do justice to my job,would have made my family uncomfortable, and would have given up the a lot of freedom and happiness that I enjoy. Convincing the mind is easy, but not the heart. Guilt like dandruff is difficult to get rid of.

And now that I have sinned, I shall go and sin a little more,by telling myself that rajma chawal is not fattening and so aren't two packets of Cadbury's bytes chocolate crunch.

Yes, I lie to myself-it won't add another inch to your waist. and no-you'll still get that attention you die for-yes with that inch wide band of lacies-popping out naughtily from all sides. :-)

I was walking home clutching my umbrella, one afternoon. I had the tea party in mind and was wondering how many of my students would turn up. I had invited the graduating class over to my home as a special pre-graduation treat, like I do every year. That is when I noticed the sign. It said "Wonder Land" Bakery. "We sell all kinds of exotic pies, cakes and other confectioneries. "Exotic"? It was indeed an unusual phrase for a local bakery. Anyway, as I walked on I saw in its window the strangest display. There was indeed this delicious looking pie that had a tag that read, "Irony pie, served with Reality sauce". I rubbed my eyes and pinched myself. My humor however got the best of me. I decided, I try the pie and then take it home for my students. It would be a nice gag to pull on my class. I walked in amused at the image of my surprised students being served the pie by their forty something teacher.
I smiled at the rather ancient looking man at the counter, and asked for a serving. He gave me back this mysterious smile and said, are you sure you want to try that. "Yes" I said. "What man would put that at a display and then ask his customers if they were sure they wanted it?" Nevertheless, the man had by then placed a big helping of the pie before me.
I sat down in a little orange café attached to the bakery. I observed that the café had notice boards with newspaper articles put up on three of the four walls. I dipped the pie in the sauce and took a bite. Before I was through chewing the piece, I felt my head go light and my eyesight grow hazy. I suddenly felt like the room was spinning and the newspaper clippings were growing large. This was followed with the strongest sense of déjà vu I had ever felt. At that instant many of the clippings began to seem more clear and coherent to me.
The first clip was an interview with the film maker Karan Johar. The write up was one that criticized him for supposedly encouraging infidelity through his movie "Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna". This was just next to two magazines. The cover stories on both were about the increasing extra-marital affairs in the work place, between colleagues- especially in call centers. "How ironic?" I thought. "Here was society making such a hoo-haa about the growing rate of affairs and divorces, and at the same time choose to lambaste a creative man, for a work of fiction! Was it worse than that? Was he being criticized for portraying an Indian "female" character for having as affair?" "What has the world come to", I thought.
The next clipping I saw, had an activist saying that celebrities should use their fame and stature to spread positive messages. The write up next it was one on the actor Aamir Khan. It was from the time when his film was banned in Gujarat because he had openly supported the Narmada Bachao Andolan. "Gosh!" I thought. "This is the height of contradiction!" Here is an actor- who is teaching a "hero- less generation" to stand up for what they believe in and this is what he gets. What is not positive about this message? And this coming from an actor- a set of professionals who are shown the gun if they expressed strong political views. This man should be commended for just being brave enough to come out in the open. Instead his constitutional rights are questioned! How twisted can societal demands be?
I moved on, feeling a little upset. The next thing I saw was something similar. The burning of Valentines Day cards and a couple being beaten up because they exchanged greeting on the day. It was followed by a piece on theaters being burned down, because the film "Fire" was being screened. All this violence was because a certain political party felt the above things were "against our culture". I felt a rage surge inside me. "When did our culture condone beating people and burning public property to "save its face"?" I thought angrily.
I moved away feeling disgusted. As I walked on, I saw the strangest looking television set. It had a news channel running. The journalist was doing a story on how security was beefed up on Independence Day, in the light of the recent incidence of terrorism in different parts of the world. I also heard her say that people should avoid theaters,markets and malls as much as possible that day. "So this is how the youngsters have to celebrate hard won freedom", I thought. A little notice I had seen outside a popular multiplex came to my mind the moment. It read, "Please let us frisk you for your own safety" the news item and notice left me feeling a little schizophrenic. How did we ever get so far, I wondered. What kind of lives are we living? And what...what kind of a legacy are we leaving out future generations?
I decided that I had had enough for a day. I couldn't take this bit of Irony pie with Reality sauce. I made up my mind that this pie had to stay in cold storage for a while.I put the rest of the untouched pie in the nearest dustbin. I walked up to the counter.How much for the pie I said? "It's ok madam. You are a new customer I see. This one is free. The pie has a rich filling of "Human Life. I hope you enjoyed it. Would you like anything else?" he asked with that same, strange knowing smile."No" I replied with a weak smile, "and thank you for your kindness."
I walked out feeling dazed from my experience. I had however firmly resolved that I would not serve any "Irony pie" for my students that evening. A generous serving of Humble Pie with a tall glass of Milk of Human Kindness should work much better, I decided. Irony pie would have to wait for some other reflective, rainy day.

A CONFESSION !!!!!